Wendy and her wellies
Wendy found it really hard to survive in the countryside because it was full of cow pats. She would try to trundle merrily but despite being a somewhat likeable child she found it challenging to hold a smile on her pudgy face for more than two minutes. Her daddy was a big stout farmer of below average intellect who never seemed to do anything but drive his big green tractor around the house from dusk till dawn. Her Mommy was definitely the brains behind the organization and often said that if she weren’t in charge then the place would fall apart. She was probably right. The only thing that really annoyed Wendy about her mother is that they never ate at Pizza Hut. “Wendy” her mother would say. “If god intended us to eat out of cardboard boxes he never would have invented plates”. This seemed odd to Wendy as she knew that God couldn’t have invented plates because he was just a story like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. Also, Wendy didn’t have a problem eating off of plates, it was just what her mother put on them that made her unhappy. You see, Wendys’ mother was a vegan organic farmer and they always had to eat yucky raw crap that tasted like grass or leaves. Not just that either, but the food was mostly raw into the bargain. “Cooking it kills the nutrients and vitamins Wendy” her mother would preach. Thank God for school meals. She must have been the only kid in school who actually enjoyed the “overcooked swill” as the other children would call it. But for Wendy it was a well deserved break from having to constantly crunch her food like a rabbit or a squirrel. Instant potatoes, thick greasy sausages and lumpy stodgy gravy was like her birthdays all rolled into one. Too bad it was just once a day and only Monday to Friday but it was better than full time veggie hell. Mandy who sat next to her sometimes brought fizzy exploding powder which they would put in their mouths during Maths classes and try not to laugh at Miss Gibbons. It was hard, especially when Mandy would make monkey sounds under her breath. Wendy didn’t hate Maths but she liked Art and History a lot more. Her Mother would give her a packed lunch and say “Don’t eat the school food Wendy, it’ll kill you”. If she knew about the exploding candy and the monkey noises I believe she would drop dead but the school food scenario would really nail the coffin shut. But luckily Wendy is really good at keeping secrets. (to be continued)